Skip to main content

Gee. Thanks, Mom

May 05, 2016 12:20PM ● Published by Bryan Scott

By Peri Kinder

From the moment I was born, my mom looked for ways to make my life miserable. Admittedly, I don’t remember anything before the age of 4, but I’m sure her pattern of behavior extended back to my birth.

For instance, my mom insisted I play with my little sister, even though my little sister was a demon who wailed like a banshee whenever I pinched her. Mom had this harebrained scheme that being forced to play with my siblings would make us friends. (Okay, she was right on that one. My siblings are pretty cool.) 

But here’s another example of my mom’s ruthless conduct. After school I could only watch TV for ONE HOUR. That’s all. Once my 60 minutes of Zoom and School House Rock was over, I had to engage my mind with something “enlightening.” 

Mom would force me to listen to classical music or make me memorize a poem she taped on the fridge. (I still randomly recite “The Highwayman.”) And there were books she required me to read like “Jane Eyre” or the Nancy Drew series. She even made me write book reports. 

“But it’s Saturday! School’s over!” I exclaimed when she handed me the illustrated book of Shakespeare.

“Learning is never over,” she’d reply. 

Now I can’t go anywhere without a book. Gee. Thanks, mom. 

When Atari hit the market, mom made it perfectly clear we would not be getting a game console. She told me video games would rot my brain, then she had the nerve to send me OUTSIDE where I had to resort to bike riding, playing baseball in the street or shooting hoops with the neighbors. (Eventually she caved and bought a game system, but even then there were strict usage guidelines.)

Mom was a homework Nazi. She’d drill me on times tables (which I still hate) and spelling (which I admit comes in handy at times) and she insisted on attending every single parent teacher conference, just to embarrass me. 

Attendance at dinner was mandatory. Mom had read somewhere that family dinner time was vastly important and would lead to the decline of society if families didn’t eat their meatloaf together. She force fed me vegetables from her garden, peaches from her tree and raspberries from the bushes in the backyard.

And there was no fluffy Wonder Bread for my lunches. Instead, I had to consume peanut butter sandwiches made with home-baked bread that was denser than granite, but kept me full for several days. It doubled as a blunt object if a boy was chasing me at recess.

When it came to dessert, she was heartless. Even though I begged her to purchase Oreo cookies or Chips Ahoy (because no one else in the universe had to gag down homemade chocolate chip, oatmeal or gingersnap cookies), she would only buy them on special occasions. Like never. 

But the final straw was when she rolled pink, spongy curlers into my long hair every Saturday night so I’d have ringlets for church. Before she added a curler, she’d dip a comb in water and run it through my hair, dripping ice-cold water down my back. And in the morning, removing those curlers was akin to being scalped. 

As Mother’s Day approaches, I grudgingly acknowledge that once in a while my mom probably wasn’t trying to make my life miserable. But for all her nefarious efforts, all I learned from her was to love my family, enjoy learning, get outside, eat real cookies and get dressed up for special occasions. Gee. Thanks, Mom.  

Business
  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/23/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/23/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Day for Kids

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 02:00PM

    Join your local Boys & Girls Clubs of Day for Kids - a celebration for kids... and kids at heart!...


  • Oktoberfest

    09/23/2017
    03:00PM — 09:00PM

    September 23, 2017 from 3:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. in Sandy, Utah's very own, Grace Lutheran School i...


  • Community Square Dance

    09/23/2017
    07:00PM — 08:30PM

    Join us for a Community Square Dance Party with the Rocketeers! We're a Square Dance Club that's ...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/24/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/24/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • theBRIDGE Church Grand Opening!

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 11:30AM

    Join us this Sunday at 10am @ the Daybreak Community Center in South Jordan, UT!


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/25/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/25/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    09/25/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/27/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/27/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    09/27/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/28/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/28/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • R.C.I.A.

    09/28/2017
    06:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Instruction Classes

    09/28/2017
    07:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/29/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/29/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    09/29/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • HCS Fall Festival

    09/29/2017
    05:00PM — 08:00AM

    Hilltop Christian School's annual Fall Festival is a great time for the whole family. Pony rides,...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/23/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/23/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Day for Kids

    09/23/2017
    10:00AM — 02:00PM

    Join your local Boys & Girls Clubs of Day for Kids - a celebration for kids... and kids at heart!...


  • Oktoberfest

    09/23/2017
    03:00PM — 09:00PM

    September 23, 2017 from 3:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. in Sandy, Utah's very own, Grace Lutheran School i...


  • Community Square Dance

    09/23/2017
    07:00PM — 08:30PM

    Join us for a Community Square Dance Party with the Rocketeers! We're a Square Dance Club that's ...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/24/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/24/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • theBRIDGE Church Grand Opening!

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 11:30AM

    Join us this Sunday at 10am @ the Daybreak Community Center in South Jordan, UT!


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Salt Lake City Gem Faire

    09/24/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Sep. 22-24, 2017, South Towne Exposition Center, 9575 S. State St., Sandy. Fri. 10am-6pm, Sat. 10...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/25/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/25/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    09/25/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/26/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/26/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/27/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/27/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    09/27/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/28/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/28/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • R.C.I.A.

    09/28/2017
    06:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Instruction Classes

    09/28/2017
    07:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/29/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Get into the River Festival

    09/29/2017
    08:00AM

    Celebrate, restore, recreate and explore the Jordan River Corridor 16 cities, 3 counties, 30 d...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    09/29/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • HCS Fall Festival

    09/29/2017
    05:00PM — 08:00AM

    Hilltop Christian School's annual Fall Festival is a great time for the whole family. Pony rides,...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    09/30/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Community Square Dance

    09/30/2017
    07:00PM — 08:30PM

    Join us for a Community Square Dance Party with the Rocketeers! We're a Square Dance Club that's ...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/01/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • theBRIDGE Church Grand Opening!

    10/01/2017
    10:00AM — 11:30AM

    Join us this Sunday at 10am @ the Daybreak Community Center in South Jordan, UT!


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/02/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    10/02/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/03/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/04/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Attend the YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast

    10/04/2017
    07:30AM — 09:00AM

    You are invited to our Annual YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast at Gallivan Hall in downtown Salt Lake C...


  • Attend the YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast

    10/04/2017
    07:30AM — 09:00AM

    You are invited to our Annual YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast at Gallivan Hall in downtown Salt Lake C...


  • Attend the YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast

    10/04/2017
    07:30AM — 09:00AM

    You are invited to our Annual YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast at Gallivan Hall in downtown Salt Lake C...


  • Attend the YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast

    10/04/2017
    07:30AM — 09:00AM

    You are invited to our Annual YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast at Gallivan Hall in downtown Salt Lake C...


  • Attend the YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast

    10/04/2017
    07:30AM — 09:00AM

    You are invited to our Annual YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast at Gallivan Hall in downtown Salt Lake C...


  • Attend the YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast

    10/04/2017
    07:30AM — 09:00AM

    You are invited to our Annual YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast at Gallivan Hall in downtown Salt Lake C...


  • Attend the YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast

    10/04/2017
    07:30AM — 09:00AM

    You are invited to our Annual YMCA Camp Awards Breakfast at Gallivan Hall in downtown Salt Lake C...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    10/04/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/05/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • R.C.I.A.

    10/05/2017
    06:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Instruction Classes

    10/05/2017
    07:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/06/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    10/06/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Art for the Arts

    10/06/2017
    05:00PM — 08:00PM

    Support Granite School District art programs AND save up to 50% off framed, limited edition art. ...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/07/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Free Anti-Bullying Class

    10/07/2017
    10:00AM — 11:00AM

    Gracie Barra Sandy hosts a free self defense class once a month on the first Saturday of every mo...


  • Harvest Festival

    10/07/2017
    11:00AM — 02:00PM

    The Draper Crossing and Draper Peaks Shopping Centers are hosting a free Harvest Festival in the ...


  • Community Square Dance

    10/07/2017
    07:00PM — 08:30PM

    Join us for a Community Square Dance Party with the Rocketeers! We're a Square Dance Club that's ...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/08/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • theBRIDGE Church Grand Opening!

    10/08/2017
    10:00AM — 11:30AM

    Join us this Sunday at 10am @ the Daybreak Community Center in South Jordan, UT!


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/09/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    10/09/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/10/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/11/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    10/11/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/12/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • R.C.I.A.

    10/12/2017
    06:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Instruction Classes

    10/12/2017
    07:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/13/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    10/13/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Ascend Yoga Studio is Now Open!

    10/14/2017
    06:00AM

    Ascend is a brand new studio located on 726 E and 12200 S ste. F in Draper! We do heated as w...


 

Online Edition
Follow My City Journals on Facebook
Advertise with us

 

City Journals 9500 South 500 West, Suite 205, Sandy, Utah 84070 801.254.5974